So You Wanna Know Me?

“AHHHHH!” screamed my girls as they jumped up and down. I forced myself to enjoy their excitement instead of submitting to my instincts and covering my ears. I smiled as they tore open their bags and lifted out their new clothing and toys. Thali, a calm and mature seventeen year old bounced and screamed like a five year old on Christmas when she pulled her brand new gray boots out of her bag. Upon seeing their white shirts with little jean vests, Diana and Lizbeth ran up to me and suffocated me in a big bear hug. The other girls in the class soon joined, and I couldn’t put my finger on the source of my inability to breathe. Was it the hug making me claustrophobic or the joy shooting up from my heart like a geyser? It was unbelievable that I could be SO happy just because they were. I would never again doubt the common phrase “It’s better to give than to receive,” and I envied whoever would get to play Santa Clause in Huancayo this year.

That afternoon, as I set the black bags of gifts at each place, I couldn’t wait for the screaming and jumping I’d experienced with my morning class. When my kids ran into the room, I got out my camera and awaited the screams. But they didn’t come. Instead, I heard a groan, and a whiny voice that pieced my heart like a sword, “But I wanted a pink dress!” Despite the fact that Dayana was only six years old, I wanted to scream at her. She had no idea how much time I’d spent trying to find a pink dress, and how, being unsuccessful, I’d carefully picked out an adorable pink shirt as a substitute. As more children came up to me with complaints, I wanted to cry. I’d spent literally all of my free time the past week shopping for them. My feet and back ached, and I was exhausted. I’d dealt with the obnoxious salespeople that handed me size 12 blue pants that read “Sexy” when I asked for size 10 black pants for a boy. When donated money ran out, I’d been happy to use my own to cover the rest because I cared deeply about each and every child. But they weren’t grateful. Yes, some of them were as thrilled as my afternoon class, and that made me SO happy, but my heart longed for the unhappy children to be thankful, to appreciate the good things I’d worked so hard to give them.


Although I was upset at the time, I soon realized that God had answered a prayer, not my prayer for every kid’s clothing to fit perfectly and be adored, but my prayer to know Him more. Just like God offers salvation, I gave my children gifts that I hoped would bring them joy. Some of the kids were grateful. They accepted my gifts with awe and wonder, and that made my heart melt. But others rejected what they’d been offered because it wasn’t exactly what they wanted or thought they needed. This rejection let me experience God’s longing for His children to accept His gift, His heartbreak at their refusal, and His desire for their love. I won’t deny that I wish every kid had loved their presents. Yet I am glad that I got to see a glimpse of another piece of the huge heart of my heavenly father.

everyone with their masks at the Halloween party

a small part of our present stash


you can see about half of the gifts from this shot

my morning class

a few girls in my afternoon class