Redefining Gross

I used to think dirt was gross. And bugs. And spit. But I don’t think so anymore. There are much grosser things. Toddlers. Babies. Pretty much all children. Let me tell you why.



When they eat it’s gross….

I don’t mind sharing a sip of soda with a friend or eating a cookie off the floor, but these kids take it to the extreme. Lunch for the little ones means four kids sitting in high chairs eating off the same plate and the same spoon. As we go down the line, Alexi drools on the plate, Mia sticks her finger in the sticky mush (don’t ask where her finger’s been), Dani coughs all over the food, and Jhoanna tops it off by spitting the half chewed up chicken that she doesn’t like back into the bowl for someone else to eat. And don’t forget the fun after lunch where Mia uses her finger to scoop bits of polenta and jello off the floor until she goes outside where she prefers to eat fresh dirt. Other lunch highlights include spitting chewed up food on the floor, eating crackers that have been stepped on, and, of course, a few cases of puking.


When we eat it’s gross…

The food at Funda Cor is not always bad. In fact, sometimes it’s actually pretty good. But when it’s bad, it’s really bad. There have been two such occasions. Once, the culprit was a very, very tough piece of meat. This wasn’t too bad until the women started commenting on it. It’s hard for me to understand them because they talk really fast and use a lot of slang, but there was one word that jumped out at me: caballo…horse. I sat and prayed that it was an expression or a joke.

The other time was only a week or two ago. It was a holiday, so the backup cuidadores (caretakers) were working. It’s not that these women do a bad job, but they’re older and just not as authoritative when dealing with the kids. And they also don’t cook as well. Several times during the morning, I glanced at the milanesa (very slin slice of meat rolled in a breadcrumb-like substance) sitting on the counter and hoped it wasn’t our lunch. It was. I would have eaten 10 pieces of milanesa, though, if it would have saved me from the rice. I don’t know how you can mess up rice that badly, but these women found a way. Besides being overcooked, they had mixed in a cheese that was just awful. I realize that cheese it actually mold, but normally it doesn’t taste or smell like rotting milk. This cheese did. And choking it down was a miserable experience that I hope I never have to repeat. Thankfully, I won’t be going back to Funda Cor on any more holidays.



When they play it’s gross…

Alexi is a drool MACHINE. I’m pretty sure that during my time at Funda Cor, I’ve had his drool on my clothes, my boots, my face, my hair, and even in my mouth. But I’d take his drool any day over Mia’s snot, Dani’s smelly diaper, and DEFINITELY over Camila’s hands, which pretty much always smell like pee. It’s GROSS!



And then there’s the bathroom…

Besides the incident where I was locked inside (See my post “Snapshots of Chaos”), there have been many other bathroom incidents. Carina has been caught with cotton in her ears…the cotton that is used at Funda Cor like baby wipes (let’s not stop to consider whether the cotton was clean or dirty). Dani has been caught chewing on a plastic glove, which happens to be what Noe wears while doing diaper duty.

Most of all though, we can’t forget Devil Child. Silvita’s favorite hobby is sneaking upstairs and turning all the water on in the shower or bathtub. When the gate is locked, though, she has to find a backup plan. So she is frequently discovered playing in the bathroom with 1-3 other children. Common activities include hand washing in the toilet, wetting their hair with toilet water, and best of all, combining giant, yellow sponges, plastic cups, and a toilet of pee for the ultimate bathroom play experience.



On the plus side, I guess I’ll probably leave here with a pretty tough immune system!